Today is 9-27-17. 3:00 pm
I still find it very interesting that time is my biggest challenge. I love that I’m aware of this.
Today I had a karate class at 11:00. I know how long it takes me to get there. Normally I give myself plenty of time to get ready and go, to get there on time. Today however I waited till the last minute then had to use the bathroom before I left. I was planing on taking the golf cart but needs to take the car to make up a little time.
I’m aware that I tend to do this lately, to wait till the last minute then need to be in a hurry.
I had just enough time to get there on time. But then I got behind a group of bicycles at a stop sign. OK no big deal, I can pass them as soon as they turn. But they were just sitting there gabbing, not even looking at the traffic. I was not really aware of the anger starting to well up in me at first. And it was not long before they noticed me and took off. All but one of them. I guess he was not a part of that group. He just kept sitting there waiting as the other bikes moved on. That Bastard! All of sudden I was pissed, really pissed and cussing that stupid “F” out. In my car to my self.
There it was, the anger that lives deep in me. I had not seen him for a wile now. Almost forgot about him. But I knew him as soon as I exploded. I don’t explode if anyone is around, I hide it. I don’t even have to try to hide it if people are around, it just stays hidden. I can’t let people know how I really feel. I’m sure I learned as a little kid to keep it in. Wish I could remember what happened to me for me to make that decision.
I was aware, that it was because I was late that I got upset, the trigger. And I was aware that it was my fault I was running late. I wish I could have pulled over and just sat there being aware of what I was feeling, like Christian talked about in his book “Abundance Unleashed”, but I was late. As I drove I tried to be aware of where in my body I was feeling this, and try to send it love. It was in my face, my eyebrows mostly.
The anger did not go away immediately but it did pass sooner than it normally would. I’m happy to have experienced this so soon after reading the book.
3:48 need to stop and get ready for golf.
It is now Sunday 10-1-17, I only have about 30 minutes before I need to get ready for golf.
When I was focusing on where I felt the anger in my body, I started to feel like I was an inflated ball, like the red rubber balls we had in school. I was not over inflated but full, full of peace.
I have been practicing really appreciating things around me, and like said before, it is the most important thing that I have done. It is because of this that I have not had an outbreak of anger in quite a while. But obviously I still have anger issues that I need to deal with. I think Christians tool of just sitting with it, feel it, and send it love is a good tool.
I like his point that emotions are not logical, they don’t alway make sense.
The book Abundance Unleashed by Christian Mickelsen was a good book for me right now. I have many other books on my list that I want to read, but this book has clicked with me and I am reading it again before I go on to another book.
Many of the books I have read are good an I learn from them but they are work to read, this book for me was an easy read and I recommend it.
4:00 need to go.
Today is 10-10-17 it’s 8:12 am, I’m just now getting back to this, when I looked at the time to write it here I realize I may only have 15 minutes before I need to stop. Debbe usually gets home around 8:30 and I make us a smoothy when she gets home.
I have thought every day about writing more here, but the days have just slipped away. I feel like I have been busy every day, running around, going to karate, taking pictures of the houses, what ever. But in reality I have wasted so much time. When I look back at the last week, I spent hours on FaceBook, hours playing card games on my phone, and days watching TV. I sat in front of the TV all day Sunday, all day. I think it was 4:00 before I got up to get dressed.
Yesterday, I had planed to spend the evening working on this and my websites, and do a little studying while Debbe was out playing cards with the girls. I turned on the TV when I stoped to eat, and just stayed there watching movies until she came home.
There is no doubt the feeling that there is not enough time in the day, is something that I have created. And spent my whole life living this way. Being aware of it is the first step I think. Well I am aware of it and for now I am using affirmations like “I have all the time I need” and “time is on my side”, and I take time every morning to just sit and breath, meditate, and practice being present.
I am anxious to see how fast I progress in this.
8:48 Debbe just came home so I’ll stop here for today.
It is now 10-12-17 12:20 am, and I am finally getting this posted. Obviously I did not post within a week of my last post, like I intended to do. I have made a few notes but I will put them in my next post so I don’t delay this post any longer.